RAISING ARIZONA
Screenplay by
Ethan Coen
Joel Coen
OVER BLACK:
VOICE OVER
My name is H. I. McDunnough...
A WALL
With horizontal hatch lines.
VOICE OVER
...Call me Hi.
A disheveled young man in a gaily colored Hawaiian shirt is
launched into frame by someone offscreen.
He holds a printed paddle that reads "NO. 1468-6 NOV. 29
79."
The hatch marks on the wall behind him are apparently height
markers.
VOICE OVER
...The first time I met Ed was in
the county lock-up in Tempe,
Arizona...
FLASH
As his picture is taken.
CLOSEUP
On the paddle: "NOV. 29 79."
VOICE OVER
...a day I’ll never forget.
A bellowing male voice from offscreen:
SHERIFF
Don’t forget the profile, Ed!
ANGLE ON THE STILL CAMERA
It is mounted on a tripod. A pretty young woman in a severe
police uniform peers out from behind it.
WOMAN
Turn to the right.
HI
What kind of name is Ed for a pretty
thing like you?
ED
Short for Edwinna. Turn to the right!
HI obliges, but still looks at Ed out of the corner of his
eye.
HI
You’re a flower, you are. Just a
little desert flower.
FLASH
On his eye-skewed profile.
HI
Lemme know how those come out.
LOW ANGLE CELL BLOCK CORRIDOR
As Hi is escorted away from the camera toward his cell.
At the far end of the corridor a huge con is sluggishly
mopping the floor.
VOICE OVER
I was in for writing hot checks which,
when businessmen do it, is called an
overdraft. I’m not complainin’, mind
you; just sayin’ there ain’t no
pancake so thin it ain’t got two
sides. Now prison life is very
structured - more than most people
care for...
INTERCUTTING
HI’S POV of the MOPPING CON, tracking as he approaches, and
the Mopping Con’s POV of Hi as Hi approaches.
VOICE OVER
...But there’s a spirit of camaraderie
that exists between the men, like
you find only in combat maybe...
The Mopping Con snarls as Hi passes:
CON
Grrrr...
VOICE OVER
...or on a pro ball club in the heat
of a pennant drive.
NEWSREEL FOOTAGE
A ballplayer connects - THWOCK - for a home run and the crowd
roars.
PRISON HALL
Panning a circle of men who sit facing each other in folding
chairs. The pan starts on Hi.
VOICE OVER
In an effort to better ourselves we
were forced to meet with a counselor
who tried to help us figure out why
we were the way we were...
At this point the pan has reached the COUNSELOR, an earnest,
bearded young man who straddles a folding chair with his
arms folded over its back.
He is addressing one of the Cons:
COUNSELOR
Why do you use the word "trapped"?
CLOSEUP BLACK CON
The huge muscle-bound black man with a shaved head is knitting
his brow in consternation.
CON
Huh?
COUNSELOR
Why do you say you feel "trapped" in
a man’s body?
CON
Oh...
He bites his lip, thinking; then, in a resonant bass voice:
CON
...Well, sometimes I get the menstrual
cramps real hard.
PAROLE MEETING ROOM
Three PAROLE OFFICERS - two men and a woman - face Hi across
a table.
CHAIRMAN
Have you learned anything, Hi?
HI
Yessir, you bet.
WOMAN
You wouldn’t lie to us, would you
Hi?
HI
No ma’am, hope to say.
CHAIRMAN
Okay then.
EXT. 7-ELEVEN NIGHT
A beat-up Chevy pulls into the all-night store’s empty parking
lot.
VOICE OVER
I tried to stand up and fly straight,
but it wasn’t easy with that sumbitch
Reagan in the White House...
Hi is getting out of the Chevy in a Hawaiian shirt, holding
a pump-action shotgun.
VOICE OVER
...I dunno, they say he’s a decent
man, so...
He primes the shotgun - WHOOSH - CLACK - and heads for the
store.
VOICE OVER
...maybe his advisers are confused.
FLASH
Full-face exposure of Hi once again in front of the mug-shot
wall.
ED
Turn to the right!
Hi obliges but shoots sympathetic glances at Ed who is
obviously upset, wiping away tears and snuffling behind the
camera.
HI
What’s the matter, Ed?
ED
My fai-ants left me.
VOICE OVER
She said her fiancée had run off
with a student cosmetologist who
knew how to ply her feminine wiles.
FLASH
On Hi’s profile. He turns back to Ed.
HI
That sumbitch.
SHERIFF (O.S.)
Don’t forget his phone call, Ed!
HI
You tell him I think he’s a damn
fool, Ed. You tell him I said so -
H.I. McDunnough. And if he wants to
discuss it he knows where to find
me...
As another police officer starts to lead him away:
HI
...in the Maricopa County Maximum
Security Correctional Facility for
Men...
CLOSE ON ED
Looking up through her tears as Hi is led away.
HI (O.S.)
...State Farm Road Number Thirtyone;
Tempe, Arizona...
BACK TO HI
Struggling to call back over his shoulder as he is firmly
led out the door.
HI
...I’ll be waiting!
The door slams.
LOW ANGLE CELL BLOCK CORRIDOR
As Hi is once again escorted toward his cell.
The Mopping Con is now in the middle-background, having worked
his way about halfway up the corridor since last time we saw
him.
VOICE OVER
I can’t say I was happy to be back
inside, but the flood of familiar
sights, sounds and faces almost made
it feel like a homecoming.
CLOSE ON MOPPING CON
As Hi passes.
CON
Grrrr...
PRISON HALL
Group is meeting again.
COUNSELOR
Most men your age, Hi, are getting
married and raising up a family.
They wouldn’t accept prison as a
substitute.
Hi looks sheepish.
COUNSELOR
...Would any of you men care to
comment?
Two convicts sitting next to each other, GALE and EVELLE,
appear to be friends.
GALE
But sometimes your career gotta come
before family.
EVELLE
Work is what’s kept us happy.
ANGRY BLACK CON
Yeah, but Doc Schwartz is sayin’ you
gotta accept responsibilities. I
mean I’m proud to say I got a
family... somewheres.
HIGH ANGLE CELL
Looking down from the ceiling. In the foreground, lying on
the top bunk, hands clasped behind his head as he stares off
into space is MOSES. Moses is a gnarled, elderly black con
with wire-rimmed spectacles. On the lower bunk, also with
hands clasped behind his head and staring off at the same
spot in space, is Hi.
VOICE OVER
I tried to sort through what the Doc
had said, but prison ain’t the easiest
place to think.
MOSES
An’ when they was no meat we ate
fowl. An’ when they was no fowl we
ate crawdad. An’ when they was no
crawdad to be foun’, we ate San’.
HI
You ate what?
MOSES
(nodding)
We ate San’.
HI
You ate sand?!
MOSES
Dass right...
PAROLE BOARD ROOM
Hi faces the same three PAROLE OFFICERS across the same table.
CHAIRMAN
Well Boy, you done served your twenty
munce, and seeing as you never use
live ammo, we got no choice but to
return you to society.
SECOND MAN
These doors goan swing wide.
HI
I didn’t want to hurt anyone, Sir.
SECOND MAN
Hi, we respect that.
CHAIRMAN
But you’re just hurtin’ yourself
with this rambunctious behavior.
HI
I know that, sir.
CHAIRMAN
Okay then.
HIGH SHOT
Of a 7-Eleven parking lot, at night, deserted except for
Hi’s car which sits untended, its engine rumbling.
VOICE OVER
Now I don’t know how you come down
on the incarceration question...
Hi backpedals into frame with a shotgun and a bag of cash.
VOICE OVER
...whether it’s for rehabilitation
or revenge.
He spins and grabs his car-door handle. Locked. He tries the
back door. Locked.
VOICE OVER
...But I was beginning to think...
As we hear the wail of an approaching siren, Hi takes it on
the heel and toe.
VOICE OVER
...that revenge is the only argument
makes any sense.
FLASH
On Hi against the mug-shot wall.
ED
Turn to the right!
SHERIFF (O.S.)
Don’t forget his latents, Ed!
CLOSE ON HI’S HAND
We see his right hand being efficiently manipulated by Ed’s
two hands: She is rolling each of his inked fingers into the
appropriate space on an exemplar sheet.
HI (O.S.)
Hear about the paddy-wagon collided
with the segment mixer, Ed? Twelve
hardened criminals escaped.
Ed’s hand lingers on top of his. Hi’s other hand enters to
rest on top of hers.
HI (O.S.)
Got a new beau?
ED (O.S.)
No, Hi, I sure don’t.
Hi slips a ring off his own finger and slides it onto Ed’s.
HI (O.S.)
Don’t worry, I paid for it.
LOW ANGLE CELL BLOCK CORRIDOR
The surly Mopping Con has now worked his way up to the
foreground.
Hi is being escorted past him to his cell.
VOICE OVER
They say that absence makes the heart
grow fonder, and for once they may
be right.
Halfway up the corridor Hi points casually at the floor.
HI
You missed a spot.
The Mopping Con turns to watch him recede.
CON
Grrrr...
HIGH ANGLE CELL
Same high shot with Moses on the top bunk, Hi on the lower.
VOICE OVER
More and more my thoughts turned to
Ed, and I finally felt the pain of
imprisonment.
MOSES
An’ momma would frow the live crawdad
in a pot of boiln’ water. Well one
day I decided to make my own
crawdad...
We begin to crane down to tighten on the absently staring
Hi.
VOICE OVER
...an’ I frew it in a pot, forgettin’
to put in the water, ya see...
Moses’ voice is mixing down as we lose him from frame.
VOICE OVER
...and it was like I was makin’
popcorn, ya see... The joint is a
lonely place after lock-up and fights
out...
We are now very close on Hi, staring.
VOICE OVER
...when the last of the cons has
been swept away by the sandman.
HI’S POV
The underside of the top bunk.
A sudden flash whitens and fades to leave the image of Ed,
smiling behind her camera, softly supered on the underside
of the bunk.
BACK TO HI
He wearily turns his head to profile on the pillow and shuts
his eyes.
VOICE OVER
But I couldn’t help thinking that a
brighter future lay ahead - a future
that was only eight to fourteen months
away.
Eyes closed, he is illuminated by a flash.
PAROLE BOARD ROOM
Hi and the same three officers.
CHAIRMAN
Got a name for people like you, Hi.
That name is called recidivism.
SECOND MAN
Ree-peat O-fender.
CHAIRMAN
Not a pretty name, is it, Hi?
HI
No Sir, it sure ain’t. That’s one
bonehead name. But that ain’t me
anymore.
CHAIRMAN
You’re not just tellin’ us what we
wanna hear?
HI
No Sir, no way.
SECOND MAN
’Cause we just wanna hear the truth.
HI
Well then I guess I am tellin’ you
what you wanna hear.
CHAIRMAN
Boy, didn’t we just tell you not to
do that?
HI
Yessir.
CHAIRMAN
Okay then.
TRACKING
Over Hi’s shoulder as he strides toward a door marked
"Processing" and flings it open.
It is the familiar booking room. Ed looks up from her camera,
having just snapped a picture of another suspect against the
hatched wall.
HI
I’m walkin’ in here on my knees, Ed -
a free man proposin’.
Hi cocks a finger at the suspect.
HI
Howdy Kurt.
ED’S ROOM
As she nervously frets at her white bridal gown in front of
a mirror.
VOICE OVER
And so it was.
SHERIFF (O.S.)
Don’t forget the boo-kay, Ed!
CLOSE SHOT ED
Gazing earnestly into the camera. A congregation is seated
behind her - the bride’s side wearing police blues; the
groom’s side, Hawaiian shirts.
ED
I do.
CLOSE SHOT HI
Also staring into the camera.
HI
You bet I do.
REVERSE
Over their shoulders, the minister.
MINISTER
Okay then.
FLASH
On the newlyweds smiling at the camera.
FLASH
On the newlyweds smiling at each other, profile to the camera.
HIGH WIDE SHOT TRAILER PARK
In the middle of a vast expanse of desert.
VOICE OVER
Ed’s pa staked us to a starter home
in suburban Tempe...
INT. MACHINE SHOP
Hi is working the drill press, wearing goggles and sweatstained
overalls.
VOICE OVER
...and I got a job drilling holes in
sheet metal.
Next to him idly stands Bud, a veteran of the shop, with a
grimy face and a pair of goggles pushed up on his forehead.
BUD
So we was doin’ paramedical work in
affiliation with the state highway
system-not actually practicin’,
y’understand - and me and Bill’s
patrollin’ down Nine Mile -
HI
Bill Roberts?
BUD
(barking)
No, not that motherscratcher! Bill
Parker! Anyway, we’re approachin’
the wreck, and there’s a spherical
object arestin’ on the highway...
He pauses to blow and pop a bubble with his chewing gum.
BUD
...And it don’t look like a piece a
the car.
VOICE OVER
Mostways the job was a lot like
prison, except Ed was waitin’ at the
end of every day...
CASHIER’S WINDOW
Hi is scowling at his paycheck. Behind the barred window a
fat cashier grins.
VOICE OVER
...and a paycheck at the end of every
week.
CASHIER
Gummint do take a bite, don’t she?
EXT. TRAILER
Hi sits in a lawn chair in front of the trailer. Ed sits on
his lap, his arms around her. Both are wearing sunglasses,
looking at the setting sun. The scene is suffused with a
warm yellow light.
VOICE OVER
These were the happy days, the salad
days as they say...
As the sun sets, the light is turning from yellow to amber.
Hi and Ed watch, their heads following its slow downward
arc.
VOICE OVER
...and Ed felt that having a critter
was the next logical step. It was
all she thought about.
The amber is turning to a more neutral dusky light as the
sun has set. Hi and Ed continue to stare at the point where
it disappeared.
VOICE OVER
...Her point was that there was too
much love and beauty for just the
two of us...
The dusk is slipping away into darkness.
VOICE OVER
...and every day we kept a child out
of the world was a day he might later
regret having missed.
We are by now holding on pitch black. Crickets chirp. From
the darkness:
ED
That was beautiful.
A CALENDAR
Ed is crossing off the last day on the calendar before a day
circled in red.
VOICE OVER
So we worked at it on the days we
calculated most likely to be
fruitful...
INT. TRAILER
Hi is wearily entering after a long day at work, clutching
his lunchpail.
VOICE OVER
...and we worked at it most other
days just to be sure.
Ed flies into frame and leaps into his arms, covering him
with kisses.
TRAILER BEDROOM
In each other’s arms, Hi and Ed roll over on the bed.
VOICE OVER
Seemed like nothing could stand in
our way now...
We pan with them rolling and continue off them to the night
table, on which sits a framed pair of photographs of Hi,
probably taken by Ed: One shows him full face, the other in
profile.
EXT. TRAILER TWILIGHT
Ed sits in a lawn chair knitting a booty. Hi stands in Bermuda
shorts and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, hosing down the
minuscule patch of front lawn.
VOICE OVER
...My lawless years were behind me;
our child rearin’ years lay ahead.
DUSTY ROAD LEADING UP TO TRAILER DAY
A squad car, its siren wailing, kicks up dust as it roars
into the foreground.
ADOPTION OFFICE
Hi and Ed are seated on folding chairs facing an agent’s
desk. Hi wears a sport coat over his Hawaiian shirt. Ed is
in her dress blues.
HI
It’s true I’ve had a checkered past,
but Ed here is an officer of the law
twice decorated...
THE AGENT
Looking, with a dead pan, from the file to Hi.
HI
...So we figure it kind of evens
out.
His face still deadly neutral, the agent looks back down at
the file and unfolds the accordioned rap sheet, revealing it
to be a couple feet long.
VOICE OVER
...But biology and the prejudices of
others conspired to keep us childless.
INT. SQUAD CAR
On Ed as she stares vacantly out the passenger window.
VOICE OVER
Our love for each other was stronger
than ever...
ON HI
Driving. He looks from Ed out to the road.
VOICE OVER
...but I preminisced no return of
the salad days.
TRAILER BATHROOM
Over Hi’s shoulder as he stares listlessly at himself in the
mirror, a razor held forgotten in one hand, his face half
lathered and half shaved.
VOICE OVER
The pizazz had gone out of our lives.
TRAILER BEDROOM
The bedroom is somewhat messy. Ed sits on the edge of the
bed, also staring listlessly. Her police uniform is on but
not yet buttoned. Her hands lie palm-up in her lap, like two
dead fish.
VOICE OVER
Ed lost all interest in both criminal
justice and housekeeping. Soon after,
she tendered her badge.
MACHINE SHOP
Once again Hi works as his sweaty gum-chewing colleague stands
idly by.
VOICE OVER
Even my job seemed as dry and bitter
as a hot prairie wind.
BUD
So here comes Bill a-walkin’ down
Nine Mile - that’s Bill Parker,
y’understand - got his sandwich in
one hand, the fuckin’ head in the
other...
ON HI DRIVING
Alone in his Chevy. He looks to the side.
VOICE OVER
I even caught myself drivin’ by
convenience stores...
HIS MOVING POV
7-Eleven.
VOICE OVER
...that weren’t on the way home.
TRAILER LIVING ROOM
Hi and Ed sit listlessly watching TV.
VOICE OVER
Then one day the biggest news hit
the state since they built the Hoover
Dam...
Ed perks up, reacting to something on TV. Hi notices her
reaction and also sloughs off his stupor to watch.
VOICE OVER
...The Arizona quints was born.
THE TV
A newscaster silently reading copy. Behind him news footage
of five nurses holding infants mortices in.
VOICE OVER
By "Arizona" quints I mean they was
born to a woman named Florence
Arizona.
BACK TO HI AND ED
Watching intently. Eyes still locked on the set, Ed reaches
her hand out to Hi. Eyes still locked on the set, Hi takes
her hand in his.
VOICE OVER
As you probably guessed, Florence
Arizona is the wife of Nathan Arizona.
And Nathan Arizona - well hell, you
know who he is...
THE TV A LATE-NIGHT LOCAL COMMERCIAL
NATHAN ARIZONA, a stocky middle-aged man in a white polyester
suit, is gesturing expansively with his white cowboy hat
toward a one-story warehouse store with a football stadium
parking lot, chroma-keyed in behind him.
NATHAN ARIZONA
(mixing up on the TV)
So come on down to Unpainted Arizona
for the finest selection in fixtures
and appointments for your bathroom,
bedroom, beaudoir!
VOICE OVER
...The owner of the largest chain of
unpainted furniture and bathroom
fixture outlets throughout the
Southwest.
NATHAN ARIZONA
And if you can find lower prices
anywhere my name ain’t Nathan Arizona!
BACK TO HI AND ED
As they slowly look from the TV set toward each other.
LINE OF NEWSPAPER VENDING MACHINES
Hi lounges near one of the vending machines as a businessman
puts in a quarter.
VOICE OVER
Yep, Florence had been taking
fertility pills, and she and Nathan
had hit the jackpot.
The businessman takes his newspaper and releases the machine
door as he turns to leave.
Hi snags the door before it closes and takes his own fivefinger
discount copy.
He flips the paper over to look at the headline.
FRONT PAGE OF NEWSPAPER
The banner headline of the Tempe Intelligencer is:
"ARIZONA QUINTS GO HOME!"
The subhead: "More Than We Can Handle,’ Laughs Dad." Next to
it is a picture of Nathan.
VOICE OVER
Now y’all who’re without sin can
cast the first stone...
A pull back from the paper shows Hi and Ed reading it together
at home. They look from the paper to each other.
Hi opens to an inside page and we pan a row of pictures -
the five tots with their names underneath: "HARRY, BARRY,
LARRY, GARRY and NATHAN JR."
VOICE OVER
...but we thought it was unfair that
some should have so many while others
should have so few.
BILLBOARD
In the middle of the desert. It reads: "WELCOME TO TEMPE!
POPULATION 13,948... PLUS FIVE!"
EXT. TRAILER TWILIGHT
We are floating in toward Ed who is seated, waiting, in the
driver’s seat of Hi’s Chevy. Hi enters frame and cinches
down a ladder that is tied to the roof of the car. Pieces of
red flag flutter at either end of the ladder where it sticks
out beyond the car.
VOICE OVER
With the benefit of hindsight maybe
it wasn’t such a hot idea...
Hi gets in the car.
FROM BEHIND THE CHEVY
It starts down the long, winding road leading away from the
trailer, kicking up dust.
VOICE OVER
...but at the time, Ed’s little plan
seemed like the solution to all our
problems, and the answer to all our
prayers.
The title of the film burns in: "RAISING ARIZONA". A building
chord snaps off in a shock cut to:
SUBURBAN LIVING ROOM EVENING
Tableau of a couple at home. Nathan Arizona is on the
telephone, his stocking feet up on an ottoman. Florence sits
reading Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care.
The living room is dominated by a large oil portrait of Nathan
and Florence, gazing out from the wall over the mantelpiece.
NATHAN
(into the phone)
Eight hundred leaf tables and no
chairs?! You can’t sell leaf tables
and no chairs! Chairs, you got a
dinette set! No chairs, you got dick!
I ask my wife she got more sense!...
TITLE IS SUPERED:
"THE ARIZONA HOUSEHOLD"
From somewhere upstairs we hear an infant start to cry.
Florence stops reading and looks up at the ceiling. Nathan
is oblivious.
NATHAN
...Miles, all I know is I’m away
from the office to have me some kids
and everything goes straight to heck!
I ain’t gonna stand for it!
Another title is supered below the first: "SEPTEMBER 17,
1985". The baby stops crying and Florence’s attention returns
to her book.
VOICE OVER
...Yeah, and if a frog had wings he
wouldn’t bump his ass a-hoppin’! I’m
sick of your excuses, Miles! It is
now...
As he throws out his wrist to look at his watch a third title
is supered beneath the first two: 8:45 p.m.
VOICE OVER
...8:45 in the p.m. I’m gonna be
down to the store in exactly twelve
hours to kick me some butt!
He starts to replace the receiver but brings it back with an
afterthought:
VOICE OVER
...Or my name ain’t Nathan Arizona!
As he slams the phone into the cradle the titles disappear.
Another baby starts crying. Florence looks up at the ceiling.
NATHAN
That sounds like Larry.
Close on the crying baby as Hi bounces it, gently but
desperately.
HI
Shhhh! Shh! Nice baby...
He starts to lower it back into the crib. The crib is
unpainted with the name of each baby burned Bonanza-style
into the headboard: Harry, Barry, Larry, Garry, and Nathan
Jr. Instead of quieting as he is lowered into the crib, the
squalling baby only sets off one of his brothers. Hi hurriedly
lifts him back out.
He looks desperately around the room.
The room is wallpapered with nursery rhyme characters.
There are toys strewn around. There is one adult-sized easy
chair in the corner.
Hi carries the baby over to the chair, stepping on and
reacting to the squeal of a squeeze-me toy on the way. He
sits the baby deep in - the chair and then returns to the
crib to deal with the second crying baby.
He lifts the baby out of the crib and gently bounces it.
This baby stops crying.
Another one in the crib starts bawling.
Hi sets the second baby down on the floor and gives it a
rattle to keep it pacified. He reaches for the third baby in
the crib. Sweat stands out on Hi ’s brow. He is desperately
chucking the third baby under the chin when we hear a muffled
PTHUMP!
He whirls to look across the darkened room.
The first baby has dropped off the easy chair and is
energetically crawling away toward a shadowy corner.
LIVING ROOM
Nathan and Florence are sitting stock-still, staring at the
ceiling. After a moment, another baby starts crying.
NATHAN
What’re they, playing telephone?
They stare at the ceiling.
NURSERY
Loose babies are crawling everywhere. Hi is skittering across
the room in a half-crouch, a baby tucked under one arm,
reaching out with the other as he pursues a crawling baby
across the room.
He hefts the other baby with his free arm and brings the air
back to the crib.
He turns to look frantically around the room.
The other three babies have disappeared.
There is perfect quiet.
Hi goes over to the closet door, which is ajar, and swings
it open.
He reaches under a moving pile of clothes on the floor and
pulls out a baby.
He returns it to the crib and freezes, listening.
The sound of a rattle.
He drops to the floor to look under the crib.
WIDE ANGLE UNDER CRIB
A baby holding a rattle leers into the camera in the
foreground. Behind him Hi, on his stomach, is reaching in to
grab at his leg.
Hi is pulling the baby out, away from the camera, when with
a plop! a baby drops onto Hi ’s back from the crib above.
Hi twists one arm back to grope for the baby crawling on top
of him.
He is straightening up, a baby in each arm, when he reacts
in horror to something he sees across the room.
HI’S POV
The hindquarters of a diapered baby are just disappearing
around the corner of the nursery door into the hallway.
LIVING ROOM
Florence and Nathan are staring at the ceiling. After a beat
we hear a muffled plop! on the ceiling. A beat later, the
bleat of the squeeze-me toy.
NATHAN
...Whyn’t you go up and check on
’em?
They sound restless.
UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
The floor-level wide-angle shot shows a baby crawling toward
the camera in the foreground. Behind him, in the background,
just rounding the open door from the nursery, yet another
baby is making a mad dash for freedom.
Hi emerges from the nursery and, stepping around the
background baby, trots toward the baby in the foreground. By
the time he reaches it the low-angle cropping shows us only
his feet and calves.
CLOSE ON HI
Perspiring as he tiptoes the last two steps to the baby.
HI’S POV
The baby and, beyond it, the stairway down to the main floor.
We hear footsteps approaching.
BACK TO HI
He scoops up the baby and hurriedly tiptoes away toward the
nursery.
LOW-ANGLE REVERSE
The baby at the nursery door in the foreground; the staircase
in the background. As Hi reaches the baby we hear footsteps
climbing the stairs.
Hi’s free arm comes down into frame to scoop the baby up and
out of frame just as:
Florence’s head appears, bobbing up as she climbs the stairs.
She approaches the nursery, still clutching the Dr. Spock
book.
NURSERY
As Florence enters from the hallway door.
We track back into the room, on her, as she approaches the
crib. Halfway there she freezes, staring, in shock.
HER POV
All of the babies have been replaced in the crib but not
lying down: They are seated in a row, staring back at her,
lined up against the far crib railing, like a small but
distinguished panel on "Meet the Press."
THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD OF THE CHEVY
ED’S POV of Hi approaching the car. He is shrugging and
displaying a pair of manifestly empty hands.
CLOSE ON ED
Barely able to fight down her anger. Hissing:
ED
What’s the matter?!
Hi appears at her - the driver’s-window.
HI
Sorry honey, it just didn’t work
out.
He is reaching to open the door but she slaps his hand away
from the handle.
ED
What d’you mean it didn’t work out?!
HI
They started cryin’, then they were
all over me...
He is trying to open the door, which Ed is holding shut with
all her might.
HI
...It was kinda horrifying - Lemme
in, honey.
ED
Course they cried! Babies cry!
HI
I know that now! Come on honey, we
better leave -
Ed is rolling up the window and locking the door.
ED
You go right back up there and get
me a toddler! I need a baby, Hi;
they got more’n they can handle!
Muffled, through the closed window, and very forlorn:
HI
Aw honey I -
ED
Don’t you come back here without a
baby!
NURSERY
Florence is holding one of the babies cradled against her
shoulder. She is facing the hallway door; her back is to the
crib and window. The baby, peeping out over her shoulder, is
facing the window.
CLOSE ON BABY
Looking.
BABY’S POV
Of the window, as Hi’s head appears in it.
BABY
Looking.
HI
Looking back, he holds a finger to his lips.
BABY
Florence starts bouncing it, patting it on the back.
BABY’S POV
Hi and the window bouncing up and down.
LIVING ROOM
Nathan is leafing through the lingerie ads in the newspaper.
We can hear Florence’s returning footsteps. Muttering:
NATHAN
Christian Dior my butt...
Florence enters.
NATHAN
...They pay money for that?
FLORENCE
Yes dear.
NATHAN
How’re the kids?
FLORENCE
Fine dear.
NATHAN
Fuckin’ kids, I love ’em.
We hear the bleat of the squeeze-me toy. Florence and Nathan
look at the ceiling for a beat, then Nathan clears his throat
and returns to the newspaper.
CHEVY
Ed sits anxiously waiting in the driver’s seat, peering
intently through the windshield. As she catches sight of
something she breaks into a broad smile, unlocks the door,
and slides over to the passenger seat.
Hi is opening the door with one hand, cradling a baby in the
other.
ED
Which one ya get?
As he gets into the driver’s seat:
HI
I dunno. Nathan Jr., I think.
ED
Gimme here.
He hands her the infant, then hands her the copy of Dr.Spock’s
Baby and Child Care.
HI
Here’s the instructions.
ED
Oh, he’s beautiful!
Hi nods as he pulls away from the curb.
HI
He’s awful damn good. I think I got
the best one.
Ed is gushing and kissing the baby through the rest of the
conversation.
ED
I bet they were all beautiful. All
babies are beautiful!
HI
Yeah. This one’s awful damn good
though.
ED
Don’t you cuss around him.
HI
He’s fine, he is. I think it’s Nathan
Jr.
ED
We are doin’ the right thing, aren’t
we Hi? - I mean, they had more’n
they could handle.
HI
Well now honey we been over this and
over this. There’s what’s right and
there’s what’s right, and never the
twain shall meet.
ED
But you don’t think his momma’ll be
upset? I mean overly?
HI
Well a course she’ll be upset, sugar,
but she’ll get over it. She’s got
four little babies almost as good as
this one. It’s like when I was robbin’
convenience stores -
Ed suddenly bursts out crying.
ED
I love him so much!
HI
I know you do, honey.
ED
(still sobbing)
I love him so much!
TRAILER LIVING ROOM
As the lights are thrown on. The room is hung with streamers.
A string of cut-out letters reads "Welcome Home Son!"
HI (O.S.)
Okay, bring him in!
REVERSE
Ed is entering with Nathan Jr.
HI
This is it young Nathan Jr. Just
feast your eyes about, old boy!
ED
Don’t be so loud around him, Hi.
HI
(softly)
Damn, I’m sorry honey.
ED
And don’t you cuss around him.
HI
Aw, he don’t know a cuss word from
shinola.
ED
Well see that he don’t.
HI
(jovially)
He’s all right, he is.
He reaches for the child.
HI
...Come on over here, Nathan Jr.,
I’ll show you around.
He takes the baby in both hands and holds him out at arm’s
length, pointing him at the various places of interest. The
baby looks goggle-eyed at each one.
HI
...Lookahere, young sportsman. That -
there’s the kitchen area where Ma
and Pa chow down. Over there’s the
TV, two hours a day maximum, either
educational or football so’s you
don’t ruin your appreciation of the
finer things. This - here’s the divan,
for sociahzin’ and relaxin’ with the
family unit. Yessir, many’s the day
we sat there and said wouldn’t it be
nice to have a youngster here to
share our thoughts and feelin’s -
Impatient with the nonsense:
ED
He’s tired, Hi.
HI
Well we’ll just sit you right there,
boy...
He is propping Nathan Jr. up in the corner of the couch. Hi
sits at the other corner and Ed sits in a facing chair.
HI
...Just put those dogs up’n take a
load off.
Hi beams at Nathan Jr. Ed smiles at Nathan Jr. Nathan Jr.
looks from one to the other, deadpan. They seem to be waiting
for him to contribute to the conversation.
Silence.
Suddenly Hi slaps his knee.
HI
What are you kiddin’?! We got a family
here!
Ed is getting up.
HI
...He’s a scandal, honey! He’s a
little outlaw!
As she picks up the baby:
ED
He’s a good boy.
HI
He ain’t too good! You can tell by
that twinkle in his eye!
ED
Don’t you think we should put him to
bed?
HI
Hang on, honey...
He is frantically reaching for a Polaroid camera.
HI
...Let’s us preserve the moment in
pictures!
ED
Just one, okay?...
She sits down on the couch with Nathan Jr. as Hi starts
screwing the camera into a tripod.
ED
...I gotta tell ya, I’m a little
scared.
Absently, as he sets up the camera:
HI
How come is that, honey?
ED
Well we got a baby, Hi. It’s an awful
big responsibility.
As he peers through the lens:
HI
Honey, could ya slide over a tad and
raise the nipper up?
As she complies:
ED
I mean we never done this before and
I’m kinda nervous.
HI
You’re doin’ real good, sugar.
Hi sits on the couch, holding the camera’s cable release. He
puts his arm around Ed and smiles at the offscreen camera.
Ed nestles her head against Hi’s shoulder.
ED
I love you, Hi.
HI
We’re set to pop here, honey.
ED
You’re gonna help, aren’t ya?
Through his teeth as he continues to grin at the offscreen
camera:
HI
How’s that, honey?
ED
Give Nathan Jr. a normal family
background, just quiet evenings at
home together...
We begin to hear distant thunder.
HI
You can count on it, honey.
ED
...Everything decent’n normal from
here on out.
HI
Uh-huh.
As he squeezes the cable release - FLASH - the image
momentarily freezes on Hi beaming, Nathan Jr. staring, and
Ed looking at Hi with a little bit of concern.
DARK FIELD SAME NIGHT
The rolling thunder has built to a thunderclap at the cut,
and the flash of the Polaroid match cuts to lightning throwing
a momentarily harsh glare on the field.
Rain beats down on the bare patch of ground we are looking
at - by now just a patch of mud.
Faraway lightning flickers and we hear the rumble of more
thunder approaching, then suddenly:
THWACK - A head pops up out of the mud. It is Gale, the con
we saw in group therapy. He bellows as lightning and thunder
flash and crack nearby.
His head is covered with mud, although the driving rain is
already starting to wash it away.
We are beginning to track in an arc around Gale’s head, who
is now struggling, working to get his shoulders and arms up
out of the mud. The end of the 180-degree arc and a flash of
lightning reveal, way in the distance, the wire-topped walls
of a penitentiary.
Still bellowing, as if in some primal rage, Gale has gotten
his muck-covered arms up out of the earth and is now pushing
down to haul up the rest of his body. It comes with much
effort, and with the loud sucking-popping sounds of the
fiercely clinging mud.
Finally he is free.
With a great cry, the mud-covered man plunges his right arm
straight back down into the earth, all the way up to his
shoulder. He gropes intently and then, apparently having
grabbed hold of something underground, he starts pulling.
His arm comes slowly back up out of the mud. Clasped in his
hand is - a human foot.
Bellowing with effort he continues to pull, liberating the
foot... leg... torso of his companion, and finally his head.
As the rain starts to wash the mud off his companion’s head
we see that it is his friend Evelle.
Both are bellowing.
Mud sucks and pops.
Thunder crashes.
INT. GAS STATION MENS ROOM
At the cut the ear-splitting thunder drops out to quiet. We
hear only the muffled patter of rain and the hum of a bare
fluorescent.
The two bedraggled escaped cons are standing side by side,
combing their hair in the mirror. The men seem absorbed in
their task, using hair jelly from a jar that sits on the
shelf between them to restore their duck’s-ass haircuts.
Evelle cracks the bathroom door and looks out into the rain.
EVELLE
...Okay.
GALE
What is it?
EVELLE
Mercury. Looks nice.
EXT. GAS STATION
The two men are trotting out to a Mercury that sits untended
at a gas island, a gas hose on automatic stuck in its tank.
As Gale starts up the car Evelle yanks the hose out and drops
it to the ground. Gale is already starting to peel out as
Evelle gets in.
WIDE SHOT TRAILER LIVING ROOM
Late at night. Hi sits asleep on the sofa at the far end of
the room, in a pool of lamp light.
We hear faint, distant knocking. As we track in toward Hi
the knocking becomes louder and more present.
As we approach Hi we see that several Polaroids are spread
over his gently rising and falling chest.
By the time we tighten on his face the knocking has become
quite loud.
VOICE
Open up!
Hi starts awake with a grunt.
VOICE
...Open up in air!
He looks up, alarmed.
HI’S POV
The front door of the trailer. Someone is pounding
insistently.
VOICE
Open up! It’s a police!
BACK TO HI
He sits up and tenses. He looks around.
Ed stands in her nightgown at the mouth of the hallway,
holding Nathan Jr. and squinting at Hi. She hisses:
ED
Hi! What’s goin’ on?
VOICE
Po-lice, son! Open her up!
Hi gets to his feet, hurriedly tosses the Polaroids under a
cushion of the couch and takes out a gun.
HI
Get in the bedroom.
ED
They ain’t gonna take Nathan?!
HI
Well I’d like to see ’em fly.
As Ed turns back to the bedroom:
VOICE
Open up and maybe we’ll letcha pleabargain.
BEDROOM
As Ed enters and shuts the door. She listens hard at the
door:
Hi’s footsteps cross the living room, the click of the door
opening, silence... a burst of raucous male laughter.
HI’S VOICE
...Honey! Come on out here! Want you
to meet a couple friends of mine!
LIVING ROOM
As Ed enters, carrying Nathan Jr. All three men - Hi, Gale,
and Evelle - are beaming at her.
HI
Honey, like you to meet Gale and
Evelle Snopes, fine a pair as ever
broke and entered.
Gale roars with laughter.
HI
...Boys, this - here’s my wife.
GALE
Ma’am.
EVELLE
Miz McDunnough.
Ed smiles politely, then squints at Hi.
ED
Kind of late for visitors, isn’t it
Hi?
HI
Well yeah honey, but these boys tell
me they just got outta the joint.
Gotta show a little hospitality.
Gale is admiring the baby.
GALE
Well now H.I., looks like you been
up to the devil’s bidnis!
EVELLE
That a him or a her?
ED
It’s a little boy.
GALE
Got a name, does he?
Hi and Ed look at each other uncomfortably. Hi clears his
throat.
HI
Well so far we just been using Junior.
ED
We call him Junior.
EVELLE
Say, thairs good - JR., just like on
the Teevee.
Gale is staring at the streamers and decorations. Reading
aloud:
GALE
"Welcome... Home... Son." Where’s he
been?
Hi and Ed respond simultaneously:
HI
Tulsa.
ED
Phoenix.
HI
He was, uh... he was visiting his
grandparents.
ED
They’re separated.
GALE
Was that yer folks ma’am?
ED
No, I’m afraid not.
GALE
I thought yer folks was dead, H.I.?
HI
(very uncomfortably)
Well we thought Junior should see
their final resting place - Whyn’t
you boys have a seat?
As the two men move toward the couch Ed hesitantly pipes up:
ED
Hi, it’s two in the morning...
She wrinkles her nose.
ED
...What’s that smell?
Apologetically:
GALE
We don’t always smell like this, Miz
McDunnough. I was just explainin’ to
yer better half here that when we
were tunneln’ out we hit the main
sewer - dumb luck, that - and just
followed that to -
ED
You mean you busted out of jail!!
GALE
Waaaal...
EVELLE
We released ourselves on our own
recognizance.
GALE
What Evelle means to say is, we felt
the institution no longer had anything
to offer us.
He is looking at the baby.
GALE
...My Lord he’s cute.
EVELLE
He’s a little outlaw, you can see
that.
ED
Now listen, you folks can’t stay
here!
Gale, Evelle, and Hi look up at Ed, dumbstruck. After a beat:
EVELLE
...Ma’am?
ED
You just can’t stay! I appreciate
your bein’ friends of Hi and all,
but this is a decent family now...
She looks at Hi.
ED
...I mean we got a toddler here!
Gale leans in close to Hi, a look of sincere concern on his
face, and says under his breath:
GALE
Say, who wears the pants round here
H.I.?
HI
Now honey -
ED
Don’t you honey me. Now you boys can
set a while and catch up, and then
you’ll be on your way.
There is an awkward silence as she leaves and slams the
bedroom door.
Gale is carefully studying his thumbnail; Evelle stares
fixedly at the ceiling. Still looking at his thumb:
GALE
Gotcha on a awful short leash, don’t
she H.I.?
BEDROOM
Sometime later, as Hi tiptoes in. Ed lies in bed facing the
wall; we see only the back of her head. Hi sits gingerly on
the edge of the bed and, smiling, sticks a finger through
the bars of the crib to play with the baby.
The sound of the TV set in the living room filters faintly
in.
ED
They still here?
Hi is momentarily startled, then goes on playing with the
baby.
HI
Yeah, they’re just gonna stay a day
or two. It’s raining out honey, they
got nowhere to go.
Ed finally turns to face him. We hear the two men laugh
raucously in the living room.
ED
They’re fugitives, Hi...
Hi turns to face her.
ED
...How’re we gonna start a new life
with them around?
HI
Well now honey you gotta have a little
charity. Ya know, in Arab lands they’d
set out a plate -
ED
Promise just a day or two.
HI
Tonight and tomorrow, tops.
EXTREME HIGH ANGLE
Looking straight down at Hi, asleep in bed. It is later:
filtering softly in from the other room is the end of the
"Star Spangled Banner" on TV. We are craning down.
VOICE OVER
That night I had a dream.
FLASH CUT
For a brief moment we see a wall of flames and hear it roar.
BACK TO HI
Still craning down.
VOICE OVER
...I’d drifted off thinkin’ about
happiness, birth, and new life...
FLASH CUT
Wall of flames. Deafening roar.
BACK TO HI
Craning down. The faint National Anthem ends: we hear the
WEEEEEEEE of a test pattern.
VOICE OVER
But now I was haunted by a vision of -
WALL OF FLAMES
Roaring. At the cut: WHOOOOOSH! a huge low-rider motorcycle
bursts through the flames, its engine roaring even louder
than the fire. Its driver is a huge leather-clad hellion.
The chains worn by the Biker clank ominously as he rides.
VOICE OVER
He was horrible...
The Biker roars out of frame.
LOW-ANGLE REVERSE
As the Biker roars into frame, his rear tire laying down a
wake of fire.
VOICE OVER
...a lone biker of the apocalypse...
TRACKING ON BIKER
As he roars along a ribbon of desert highway.
VOICE OVER
...a man with all the powers of her
at his command.
The Biker reaches for his bullwhip.
VOICE OVER
...He could turn the day into night...
The Biker cracks the whip and, at the crack:
The sky behind him turns instantly to black. Bolts of
lightning crackle across it as thunder roars.
ANOTHER DESERT SCENE DAY
Tracking with and also in on the Biker from behind as he
roars along a strip of highway. He is reaching for the two
sawed-off shotguns which are strapped crisscross across his
back.
VOICE OVER
...and laid to waste everything in
his path.
REVERSE TRACK ON BIKER
Pulling the Biker from a distance as he levels the two
shotguns. The tracking camera pulls back further to reveal a
running jack-rabbit keeping pace with us in the foreground.
VOICE OVER
He was especially hard on the little
things...
CRACK - as the first shotgun spurts orange the foreground
rabbit keels over. The Biker slues the other gun around.
LOCKED-DOWN WIDE SHOT
On a rock in the foreground, a desert lizard suns himself.
The Biker is approaching in the distant background.
VOICE OVER
...the helpless and the gentle
creatures.
CRACK - from afar, the foreground lizard is blown away.
LOCKED-DOWN LOW-ANGLE WIDE SHOT
Of the empty desert road stretching away. In the foreground
a lone desert flower blooms.
The Biker roars into frame.
VOICE OVER
He left a scorched earth in his wake,
befouling even the sweet desert breeze
that whipped across his brow.
As the Biker roars away, the foreground flower bends with
his draft and then bursts into flame.
TRACKING ON BIKER
From in front. He twirls the shotguns in either hand and
reaches back to plunge them over his shoulders into their
holsters.
VOICE OVER
I didn’t know where he came from or
why...
We are moving in on his chest, where two crisscrossed
bandoliers carry two rows of hand grenades, their silver
pins glinting in the sun. We follow the line of one of the
bandoliers up to his right shoulder which bears the tattoo:
"Mama Didn’t Love Me."
VOICE OVER
I didn’t know if he was dream or
vision...
REVERSE TRACK ON BIKER
From behind, booming down as we track. We are approaching
the crest of a rise.
VOICE OVER
But I feared that I myself had
unleashed him...
HIGH SHOT
Of the Biker approaching, craning down as he draws near.
VOICE OVER
...for he was The Fury That Would
Be...
With the crane down we momentarily lose him from view over
the rise; then suddenly - ROAR - he tops the rise and, wheels
spinning, is airborne
REVERSE
As he crashes back down to earth in the foreground and roars
away. Only now we are no longer in the desert:
We are looking down a twilight street at the end of which is
the Arizona house.
VOICE OVER
...as soon as Florence Arizona found
her little Nathan gone.
The roar of his engine and clank of his chains recede as the
Biker gradually dissolves into thin air.
We are left looking at the empty street and the faraway
Arizona house.
The receding roar has left behind eerily beautiful singing,
a woman singing a lullaby. Faintly, behind the singing, there
is also a droning high-pitched noise.
The camera starts floating forward very close to the ground,
moving slowly toward the Arizona house. The high-pitched
drone is becoming less faint under the singing.
The camera is accelerating. The drone is growing louder - we
can now tell that it is a human scream.
As we approach the Arizona house we can see that a ladder is
propped up to a second-story window.
We are moving quite fast now. The scream all but buries the
singing.
We are rushing toward the house, toward the base of the
ladder, the sustained scream drawing us on.
We hurtle toward and then straight up the ladder with no
abatement of speed, sucked forward by the deafening scream.
We reach the top and hurtle - THWAP! - through the white
curtains of the open second-story window into the nursery to
reveal Florence Arizona, her back to us, screaming over the
crib.
We are rocketing toward her.
She is turning to us, hands pressed to her ears, mouth
stretched wide in an ear-splitting shriek and we are rushing
into an extreme close-up of her gaping mouth and her wildly
vibrating epiglottis and we
CUT TO:
EXTREME CLOSE SHOT OF HI’S EYES
As they snap open.
The screaming snaps off at the cut. The singing that the
building scream covered, however, is now audible again.
Perspiration beads Hi’s forehead. He looks down toward the
foot of the bed.
THE BEDROOM
It is now morning. Ed walks back and forth, gently bouncing
the baby as she walks. She is singing it a lullaby.
Faintly, from the next room, we can hear Gale and Evelle
snoring away like buzz saws.
HI
(groggily)
He all right?
ED
He’s all right. He was just havin’ a
nightmare.
Hi is getting out of bed.
HI
Yeah, well...
He crosses to the bedroom window and cracks the venetian
blind. Orange light filters in.
HIS POV
Beyond a clothes line and a septic tank, a huge orange ball
of sun is rising. We can almost hear the roar of its burning
surface.
BACK TO HI
Looking.
HI
...Sometimes it’s a hard world for
little things.
HIS POV
The orange sun, rumbling, perceptibly rising.
ARIZONA HOME FRONT FOYER
At the cut the rumble of the sun is snapped off by the highpitched
ba-WEEEEeeee... of a strobe going off as a flash
picture is taken: We are looking over Nathan Jr.’s shoulder
as he stands at his open front door, facing a battery of
press people who stand out on the porch.
An obie light over a local TV news camera glares in at us;
various flashbulbs pop.
NATHAN
No, the missus and the rest of the
kids’ve left town to I ain’t sayin’
where. They’ll be back here when
we’re a nuclear fam’ly again.
VOICE
Mr. Arizona, which tot was abducted?
NATHAN
Nathan Jr., I think.
VOICE
Do you have anything to say to the
kidnappers?
NATHAN
Yeah: Watch yer butt.
VOICE
Sir, it’s been rumored that your son
was abducted by UFOS. Would you care
to comment?
NATHAN
(sadly)
Now don’t print that, son. If his
mama reads that she’s just gonna
lose all hope.
A POLICEMAN from inside the house is taking Nathan by the
elbow.
POLICEMAN
We really have to ask you some more
questions, sir...
As Nathan allows himself to be led back into the house he
calls back over his shoulder:
NATHAN
But remember, it’s still business as
usual at Unpainted Arizona, and if
you can find lower prices anywhere
my name still ain’t Nathan Arizona!
We are following the two, hand-held, as the Police leads
Nathan toward the living room.
LIVING ROOM
The room is filled with policemen milling about in several
different uniforms: local police, state troopers, plainclothes
detectives.
The original Policeman is leading Nathan to a table where a
white-smocked technician is preparing inkpad and exemplar
sheets.
The dialogue is urgent, rapid-fire and overlapping.
POLICEMAN
Mr. Byrum here can take your exemplars
while you talk.
MR. BYRUM has taken Nathan’s right hand and is rolling its
fingers onto the inkpad.
BYRUM
Just let your hand relax; I’ll do
the work.
Nathan jerks his hand away.
NATHAN
What is this?! I didn’t steal the
damn kid!
Two men in conservative suits are approaching.
POLICEMAN
Sir, these men are from the FBINATHAN
(bewildered)
Are you boys crazy?! All I know is I
wake up this morning with my wife
screaming-
BYRUM
(patiently)
We just need to distinguish your
prints from the perpetrators’, if
they left any.
Giving his hand back:
NATHAN
Course! I know that!
FBI #1
Sir, we have an indication you were
born Nathan Huffhines; is this
correct?
NATHAN
Yeah, I changed m’name; what of it?
FBI #2
Could you give us an indication why?
NATHAN
Yeah, would you buy furniture at a
store called Unpainted Huffhines?
FBI #1
All right, I’ll get to the point-
UNIFORMED COP
Was the child wearing anything when
he was abducted?
NATHAN
No one sleeps nekkid in this house,
boy! He was wearFBI
#1
I’m asking the questions here,
officer.
COP
If we’re gonna put out an APB we
need a description of the -
NATHAN
He was wearin’ his-
FBI #2
It’s just that we’re better trained
to intervene in crisis situations
(to Nathan)
What was he wearing?
NATHAN
A dinner jacket! Wuddya think, he
was wearing his damn jammies!
FBI #2
(to cop)
The child was wearing his jammies.
Are you happy?
FBI #1
Do you have any disgruntled employees?
NATHAN
Hell, they’re all disgruntled! I
ain’t runnin’ a damn daisy farm!
COP
What did the pajamas-
NATHAN
My motto is do it my way or watch
your butt!
COP
What did the pajamas-
FBI #1
So you think it might have been an
employee?
NATHAN
Don’t make me laugh. Without my sayso
they don’t piss with their pants
on fire.
COP
What did the pajamas look like?
FBI #1
(pained)
Officer-
NATHAN
(bellowing)
I dunno, they were jammies! They had
Yodas’n shit on ’em!
BELLOWING VOICE OFFSCREEN
Would ya mind, I’m trying to set up
a Command Post here!
Nathan bellows back:
NATHAN
Get your feet off m’damn coffee table!
Also raising his voice at the offscreen bellower:
FBI #1
Ron, you’re upsetting the victim.
Nathan is getting worked up.
NATHAN
Damnit, are you boys gonna go chase
down your leads or are you gonna sit
drinkin’ coffee in the one house in
the state where I know my boy ain’t
at?!
FBI #2
Sir, there aren’t any "leads" yet,
aside from this coat-
NATHAN
Gimme that!
He grabs the overcoat being displayed by FBI #2.
NATHAN
That’s a five-hundred-dollar camel’s
hair-
BYRUM
Sir, you might want to wash your
hands at this point.
Nathan realizes that he’s gotten ink from his fingerprinting
all over the coat.
NATHAN
Well goddamnit!
He is rising to his feet and hurling the coat to the floor.
NATHAN
...No leads?!
He furiously kicks the coat.
NATHAN
...Everyone leaves microbes’n whatnot!
Throughout the speech Nathan stalks the room, working himself
into a frenzy, furiously putting coffee cups onto coasters,
generally cleaning up, hectoring the police, and swiping
their feet off his furniture.
NATHAN
...Hell, that’s your forte, trackin’
down them microbes left by criminals’n
commies’n shit! That’s yer whole
damn raison d’itre! No leads?! I
want Nathan Jr. back, or whichever
the hell one they took! He’s out
there somewhere! Somethin’ leads to
him! And anyone can find him knows
the difference between a lead and a
hole in the ground!!
HOLE IN THE GROUND - DAY
Specifically, it is the hole in the muddy patch of earth
that Gale and Evelle climbed out of. We hear only the squish -
suck of many feet walking around in the mud offscreen.
We are pulling back to reveal the feet-the shiny black patent
leather shoes and blue pants cuffs - becoming quickly
spattered - of several policemen milling about the hole.
German shepherds sniff around also.
With a roar, motorcycle wheels enter frame. The bike’s
jackbooted rider casually tools around the hole once; police
step back and dogs skitter away to give him room.
He backs toward the camera and stops, standing astride the
bike. The burning stub of a cheroot is dropped into frame;
it hisses angrily and dies in the mud. We start to crane up.
The whipcracking Biker cue mixes up. The Biker’s motorcycle
idles with a deep rumble, like the roar of fire on the sun.
We are now framed looking over the Biker’s shoulder. The
policemen’s attitude to him seems to be deferential. One cop
in front of him is pointing a direction. The Biker is shaking
his head; he doesn’t think they went that way.
Suddenly, with a loud whipcrack effect, the Biker’s head
snaps to profile. He is staring across the field, stock-still,
having heard, smelled or sensed something.
The dogs milling around the hole also react, snapping to
attention, a split second after the BIKER.
THEIR POV
A jackrabbit is bounding away at the far end of the field.
THE DOGS
After a moment, their attention returns to the hole.
THE BIKER
His attention also returns to the matter at hand. He squints,
concentrating. His bike rumbles. Gradually his face sets in
a specific direction.
We pan down to the tattoo on his shoulder: "Mama Didn’t Love
Me." His shoulder flexes once or twice as he revs the
throttle; then he puts the bike in gear and it roars out of
frame.
TRAILER KITCHEN CLOSE ON GALE AND EVELLE
They are both intently munching cornflakes, staring at
something offscreen. After a beat:
EVELLE
...Awful good cereal flakes, Miz
McDunnough.
THEIR POV
Ed is sitting in the living room, bottle-feeding Nathan Jr.
She is surrounded by the rumpled sheets and blankets used by
the house guests. She does not respond to the ice-breaker.
Gale puts his spoon down and picks up a cigarette which has
been smoking in the ashtray next to him. There is a bead of
milk dribbling down his chin.
He takes a contemplative puff, studying Ed.
GALE
...Whyncha breast feed him? You ’pear
to be capable.
ED
Mind your own bidnis.
Through a mouthful of cornflakes:
EVELLE
Ya don’t breast feed him, he’ll hate
you for it later. That’s why we wound
up in prison.
Gale blows out smoke and picks up his spoon to start back in
on his cornflakes.
GALE
Anyway, that’s what Doc Schwartz
tells us.
Hi is walking in, yawning.
HI
Boys.
EVELLE
Morni’, H.I.
Sharply, as Hi sits and starts to pour cornflakes into a
bowl:
ED
...Hi.
Hi holds the cornflakes box arrested in mid-air. He looks at
Ed, who is motioning to gale and Evelle with her eyes.
HI
Oh yeah... Say boys, you wouldn’t
mind makin’ yourself scarce for a
couple hours this afternoon?
ED
We’re havin’ some decent friends
over.
Gale and Evelle are looking dumbly from Ed to Hi.
HI
Heh-heh... What Ed means to say is,
seein’ as you two boys are wanted,
it wouldn’t exactly do to have folks
seein’ you here - I mean for your
own protection.
GALE
Sure H.I.
EVELLE
Anything you say.
More relaxed now, to Ed:
HI
Matter of fact honey, maybe I’ll
skip this little get-together myself,
Glen won’t mind, and I’ll just duck
out with the boys, knock back a couple
of-uh, Co-Colas-
GALE
Sure H.I.
EVELLE
We’d love to have ya.
CLOSE ON ED
Looking pleadingly at Hi.
BACK TO HI
Feeling the look, he goes back to his cornflakes.
HI
...Well... maybe that ain’t such a
hot idea either.
Gale leans back to blow smoke at the ceiling.
GALE
(bitterly)
So many social engagements. So little
time.
WIDE SHOT GAS STATION BATHROOM
It is the bathroom where we earlier saw Gale and Evelle
combing their hair, now empty.
We are looking toward the door. The bathroom is quiet except
for the dripping sink, and the faint rumble of an approaching
motorcycle. It grows louder, then begins to recede as the
bike shoots by the station.
Suddenly we hear the screech of the bike’s brakes.
EXT. THE STATION
We are on the road outside the gas station as the motorcycle
screeches to a halt in the foreground. The low wide shot
crops the BIKER at his shins. In the background behind him
is the gas station.
The Biker pauses for a moment, thinking or feeling.
BACK TO INT. BATHROOM
We hear the rumble of the bike approaching, very loud.
CRASH - the bathroom door flies open as the Biker bursts in
astride his hog, bright daylight streaming in with him to
throw him into imposing silhouette. The shafts of light
pouring in are defined by motes of dust dancing in the air.
HIS POV
Fast track in on the jar of hair jelly sitting on the shelf
under the mirror.
BACK TO BIKER
An extreme close shot shows his nostrils dilating as we hear
him sniff.
He revs the rumbling bike, stealing thunder from a far
mountain.
FRONT STOOP OF TRAILER
Hi, with Ed standing by, is just opening the door to a young
couple. Glen is a short stocky blond man in his early
thirties, wearing Bermuda shorts. DOT is wearing slacks,
heels, and a scarf over her hair.
HI
Glen, Dot-
As the door opens, Dot hops up the stoop shrieking.
DOT
Where’s at baby? Where’s he at?
From behind, Glen gives her an energetic THWOK on the ass.
GLEN
Go find him honey!
Dot spins and smacks Glen across the face with her purse.
Through clenched teeth:
DOT
Cut it out, Glen!
He reels under the blow.
ED
(quietly)
He’s asleep right now.
Dot shrieks again, but this time muffles it with her own
hand. She tiptoes into the trailer, hand to her mouth.
Glen, rubbing his cheek, seems angry at himself.
GLEN
Shit, I hope we didn’t wake it!
DOT
Can I just sneak a peek-a-loo?
Glen at the top of the stoop, turns out to the yard.
GLEN
Come on kids...
WIDE SHOT GLEN AND DOT’S KIDS
A scad of children, ranging in age from two to seven, are
crawling over Hi’s car. One is beating on it with a large
stick, another sits on the hood pulling back one of the
windshield wipers, etc.
GLEN
...Get away from Mr. McDunnough’s
car.
TRAILER BEDROOM
As Ed and Dot enter, Ed beaming as they go to the crib.
DOT
What’s his name?
ED
Uh... Hi Jr. Till we think of a better
one.
DOT
Whyncha call him Jason? I love
Biblical names. If I had another
little boy I’d name him Jason or
Caleb or- Oh!
She puts her hand to her forehead, reacting to the baby as
if she is about to faint.
DOT
...He’s an angel!
She hides her face in her hands and looks away as if blinded,
then sneaks a look around her hands.
DOT
...He’s an angel straight from heaven!
Now honey I had all my kids the hard
way so you gotta tell me where you
got this angel. Did he fly straight
down from heaven?
ED
Well-
DOT
You gonna send him to Arizona State?
TRAILER LIVING ROOM / KITCHEN
The weaving knee-level tracking shot is following a six-yearold
boy in shorts and a dirty T-shirt as he tramps around
the trailer, brandishing a big stick. He strikes the walls,
furniture, various other objects with his stick, hollering
"Bam! Bam-Bam!" with each blow.
The track weaves off him and onto Hi, who is bending down to
pull a couple of beers from the refrigerator. He raises his
voice to make himself heard over the din of all the children
boiling around the room:
HI
Need a beer, Glen?
GLEN
Does the Pope wear a funny hat?
Hi considers this.
HI
...Well yeah, Glen, I guess it is
kinda funny.
GLEN
Say, that reminds me! How many
Pollacks it take to screw up a
lightbulb?
HI
I don’t know Glen, one?
Hi looks down.
One of Glen’s children, in a cowboy hat, is squirting a squirt
gun into his crotch area.
GLEN
Nope, it takes three!
He starts laughing, then catches himself.
GLEN
...Wait a minute, I told it wrong.
Here, I’m startin’ over: How come it
takes three Pollacks to screw up a
lightbulb?
HI
I don’t know, Glen.
GLEN
Cause they’re so durn stupid!
He laughs; Hi doesn’t react.
GLEN
...Shit man, loosen up! Don’t ya get
it?
Hi looks over at the TV, which the bam-shouting six-year-old
is banging with his stick.
HI
No Glen, I sure don’t.
GLEN
Shit man, think about it! I guess
it’s what they call a Way Homer.
HI
Why’s that?
GLEN
Cause you only get it on the Way
Home.
HI
I’m already home, Glen.
The kid in the cowboy hat is reaching up to slap Hi on the
ass.
KID
You wetchaself! Mr. McDunnough wet
hisseff, Daddy!
GLEN
Say, that reminds me! How’d you get
that kid s’darned fast? Me’n Dottie
went in to adopt on account of
something went wrong with m’semen,
and they told us five years’ wait
for a healthy white baby! I said
healthy white baby! Five years! Okay,
what else you got? Said, two Koreans
and one Negro born with the heart
outside...
He takes a sip of beer.
GLEN
...Yeah, it’s a crazy world.
HI
Someone oughta sell tickets.
GLEN
Sure, I’d buy one.
Hi is looking at another child who is just finishing off the
T in FART in crayon on the wall.
Glen chuckles, looking at his errant child.
GLEN
...That Buford’s a sly one. Already
knows his ABCs. But I’m sayin’, how’d
ya get the kid?
HI
Well this whole thing is just who
knows who and favoritism. Ed has a
friend at one of the agencies.
GLEN
Well maybe she can do something for
me’n Dot. See there’s something wrong
with m’semen. Say, that reminds me!
What you gonna call him?
HI
Uh, Ed-Ed Jr.
GLEN
Thought you said he was a boy.
HI
Well, as in Edward. Just like that
name.
GLEN
(not really interested)
Yeah, it’s a good one... Course I
don’t really need another kid, but
Dottie says these-here are gettin’
too big to cuddle. Say, that reminds
me!
The sound of shattering glass. Glen looks around.
GLEN
Mind ya don’t cutchaseff, Mordecai...
EXT. PICNIC GROUNDS
Dot faces Hi and Ed across a picnic table covered with grilled
hamburgers, rolls, green jello mold, cooler, etc.
One of the younger children sits in the middle of the table,
occasionally taking a fistful of jello and flinging it at
Hi. The two women don’t seem to notice.
DOT
...and then there’s diphtheriatetanus,
what they call dip-tet. You
gotta get him dip-tet boosters yearly
or else he’ll get lockjaw and night
vision. Then there’s the smallpox
vaccine, chicken pox and measles,
and if your kid’s like ours you gotta
take all those shots first to get
him to take ’em. Who’s your
pediatrician, anyway?
ED
We ain’t exactly fixed on one yet.
Have we Hi?
Hi sits stock-still with a stony face.
ED
...No, I guess we don’t have one
yet.
Dot shrieks.
DOT
Well you just gotta have one! You
just gotta have one this instant!
ED
Yeah, what if the baby gets sick,
honey?
DOT
Hi, even if he don’t get sick he’s
gotta have his dip-tet!
ED
He’s gotta have his dip-tet, honey.
Hi shrugs, then flinches as a piece of jello hits his
shoulder.
HI
...Uh-huh.
DOT
You started his bank accounts?
ED
Have we done that honey? We gotta do
that honey. What’s that for, Dot?
DOT
That-there’s for his orthodonture
and his college. You soak his thumb
in iodine you might get by without
the orthodonture, but it won’t knock
any off the college.
Hi sits stoically. Dot is looking offscreen:
DOT
...Reilly, take that diaper off your
head and put it back on your
sister!... Anyway, you probably got
the life insurance all squared away.
ED
You done that yet honey?
DOT
You gotta do that, Hi! Ed here’s got
her hands full with that little angel!
HI
(dully)
Yes ma’am.
DOT
What would Ed and the angel do if a
truck came along and splattered your
brains all over the interstate? Where
would you be then?
ED
Yeah honey, what if you get run over?
DOT
Or you got carried off by a twister?
LAKESIDE PATH
We are tracking on Hi and Glen as they walk side by side.
Glen is sopping wet, wearing only swimming suit and wingtipped
shoes. His body is ghostly pale except for a V-area
at his neck and his arms below the short-sleeve line, which
are a bright angry red.
GLEN
Hear about the person of the Polish
persuasion he walks into a bar holdin’
a pile of shit in his hands, says
"Look what I almost stepped in."
Glen bursts out laughing; Hi walks on in silence.
HI
...Yeah, that’s funny all right...
GLEN
Ya damn right it’s funny! Shit man,
what’s the matter?
HI
I dunno... maybe it’s wife, kids,
family life... I mean are you, uh,
satisfied Glen? Don’t y’ever feel
suffocated? Like, like there’s
somethin’ big pressin’ down...
GLEN
(solemnly)
Eeeeeyep... I do know the feelin’.
Hi shakes his head.
HI
Dunno-
GLEN
And I told Dottie to lose some weight
but she don’t wanna listen!
He roars with laughter and slaps Hi heartily on the back. As
he chuckles sympathetically:
GLEN
...No man, I know what you mean. You
got all kinds a responsibilities
now. You’re married, ya got a kid,
looks like your whole life’s set
down and where’s the excitement?
HI
Yeah Glen, I guess that’s it.
GLEN
Okay! That’s the disease, but there
is a cure.
HI
Yeah?
GLEN
Sure; Doctor Glen is tellin’ ya you
can heal thyself.
HI
What do I gotta do?
GLEN
Well you just gotta broaden your
mind a little bit. I mean say I asked
you, what do you think about Dot?
HI
(puzzled)
Fine woman you got there.
Glen is eyeing him shrewdly.
GLEN
Okay. Now it might not look like it,
but lemme tell you something: She’s
a hellcat.
HI
That right?
GLEN
T-I-G-E-R.
HI
But what’s that got to do with-
GLEN
Don’t rush me!
He stops walking. Hi stops also, looking at Glen, Still
puzzled. Glen lays a companionable hand on his shoulder.
GLEN
Now the thing about Dot is, she thinksand
she’s told me this-
He looks around as if to make sure they are not being
overheard. His tone is confidential.
GLEN
...she thinks... you’re cute.
Hi looks suspiciously at Glen’s hand on his shoulder.
HI
...Yeah...?
Glen nods energetically:
GLEN
I’m crappin’ you negative! And I
could say the same about Ed!
Through tightly clenched teeth:
HI
What’re you talkin’ about, Glen?
GLEN
What’m I talkin’ about?! I’m talkin’
about sex, boy! What the hell’re you
talkin’ about?! You know, "L’amour"?!
I’m talkin’ me’n Dot are Swingers!
As in "to Swing"! Wife-swappin’!
What they call nowadays Open Marriage!
Beaming, he takes his hand off Hi’s shoulder and spreads his</